it's quite a pity that our monthsary falls under the end of the month because we both don't have anything to spend on. that is, except for a few isaws, fishballs and cheese sticks at what we call "hepa lanes" outside the university. and don't forget the slurpee, it's a darling. so yesterday probably didn't end too well because we were not in good terms when we parted. i was being cynical at that time and at the same time worried cos i knew that he was bored with accompanying me watch my classmate rehearse for her pageant, which is today, and maybe it was also because of my hormones. i didn't text him this morning cos i deliberated that i just wanted to stay in bed and nap again, like what i used to do before while listening in this radio station where they play classical music, when we weren't together yet. then when i was having lunch, my dormmate told me at the dining area that he saw him at the dorm gate and he looked so cute cos he was just walking around and around. his beauty is his sin. he tends to be so vain.anyway, he was waiting for me for an hour and i took my time a lot.
it's a wonder how he fights for our relationship. i reckon there's no one against it... except me, occasionally, cos i often miss my fantasies on my plans of becoming a spinster. it's also a wonder how he can stand me. i am patient enough but the thing about me is my passive attitude towards things. i think i trained myself too much to become unemotional in front of other people, formal and talking only when needed, and serious. my sentiment is, if no one would be strict to him, who would? because he tends to act like a child most of the time and for the whole time i've been his friend, i realized that nobody tells him what to do and what not to do.
anyway, he loves me so much. i do too. but this time, i think the table was turned and i guess it's better.
i love this guy so much.
leave me some comments[ 1 cHasEd reality ]
"I'm learning, I'm learning you now.
Stars fading, free falling into you
This time I'm sure of what I'm looking for.
And that's what I want you to know.
And I won't ever let you go, let you go
Underneath the waves,
I can feel you underneath the waves.
And I'm ready for you now,
I'm ready for you now.
Be ready for me now,
Be ready for me now. . ."
-underneath the waves, hale
leave me some comments[ misty reverie ]
the problem, lately, is that my patience can hardly take him. i can't handle the jealousy well. it's not voluntary, you know, and as much as i don't want to be bothered by that feeling, i can't, cos it's there. im thinking, i want to break up with him cos i don't want to hurt him and i don't want his actions to hurt me too. also, the problem with him is he likes attention so much. when we're with a group of people, he only notices me when nobody else does. now how cool is that? this sucks.
leave me some comments[ misty reverie ]
Noong nag-aaral pa ako sa College, natutunan ko sa aking klase na Finance ang mga katagang "calculated risk". In simple terms, ito yung pagsusugal at pagpusta sa llamado. Yung pagsabak sa giyera na may malaking chance na manalo ka.
Kung iisipin mo, lahat ng ginagawa natin ay sugal. Yun pagtawid mo sa kalsada, kung kakain ka ba o matutulog na lang, yun desisyon kung papasok ka ba sa skul o maglalaro ka na lang ng dota, pati yung pagsisimula ng negosyo, lahat yan sugal sa buhay.
Maka ilang beses na rin ako sumugal sa buhay ko. kadalasan, talo. yun nga ang sabi sa statistics, 9 out of 10 businesses ay nagsasara, totoo yun. Pero that does not stop you on trying. e pano kung eto na yung 10% na chance mo para mag succeed, dapat hindi mo palampasin.
Merong panahon sa buhay ko na kinailangan ko ng pera, syempre nangutang ako sa mga kakilala ko. hindi ko nga alam kung natatandaan pa nila na may utang ako sa kanila. Ginamit ko yung pera na yun pansugal. Ang problema, hindi ko ginamitan ng computation for calculated risk. hindi ko pa kasi natutunan yun nun panahon na yun. nun pinag-aralan ko yun endeavor, lumalabas na 1out of 89,785,745,416 ang chance ko na mag succeed. huli na ang lahat nung nalaman ko yun. at hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa rin sila nababayaran.
leave me some comments[ 5 cHasEd reality ]
i hardly write my thoughts anymore partly because i think i haven't had time anymore and partly because i think my grammar is sucking more as time passes by--as i lessen reading classics, that is. my mind isn't what it used to be anymore. it's evident on how i performed last sem: low grades and low grades because i'm not able to memorize stuffs easily as i used to before. now it takes me quite a lot of time before i digest whatever i am studying. or maybe because i'm losing focus meaning i'm more easily distracted than before. i don't know but i'm trying to understand. i've been doing some things for my brain to become as active as before because i need it to function well. im fixing papers for my application in med. God knows how much i want to be admitted in UST cos well, i had my pre-med here and it's kinda hard to be admitted here so it's quite a challenge and i need a Catholic school, else my spiritual life will vanish in an instant again and of course, my boyfriend's here. the last thing i need to worry about is his becoming gay again because it will have a very heavy impact in my emotions. i might not interact with people anymore cos i might conclude that everyone will leave me anyway.
anyway, it's the start of a new sem. my birthday passed by without so much depression. it was there but it wasn't as destructing as before. i had fun actually because i had been with him and he gave me white lisianthus and white star gazers in a vase and i liked it a lot, especially because they're white and the lillies smell heavenly. i also received a virginia woolf hardbound. before that day, he told me that my birthday's gonna be different because from now on, i had him to celebrate it with.
again, it's the start of a new sem. later at 4pm (which is my first class, haha), i'll be seeing my classmates again, not everyone, i think, because a lot failed in Comparative Anatomy of Vertebrate Embryology Lab (phew) or simply Embryo lab. it's a littlle saddening cos failing in another subject last sem, for a few of my classmates, would mean not taking UST med as an option anymore because students with 12+ units of fail will be strictly not admitted.
this sem, my major subject's gonna be Physiology and Ecology. 3 minors, ETAR, PGR and an SCL, whose course description i forgot. there's still glee club, and i think we're going to prepare for Himig Tomasino and my other org, whose gonna sing again for the Paskuhan Mass, yey. which means a lot of practices at night.
later at 12nn, im going to have a meeting with med's sc president because of a collaboration with them for our PreMed Talk and Tour. im way excited to be in med but for now, i need to go to our office and check if the executive vp of my org's foundation has said something about our opening of a blood bank acct here at the univ hospital.
leave me some comments[ misty reverie ]
I really really really really wanted to start a business now. May concept na ako. Alam ko na kung sino ang mga empleyado ko, pero hindi ko masimulan dahil number 1: wala akong puhunan. number 2: hindi ko pa nakakausap ang mga taong involved.
Gusto ko isang restaurant na simple lang ang concept. walang eklavu, hindi siya karenderia, at hindi rin aircon.
Gusto ko meron akong parking space. kasya ang hanggang apat na sasakyan.
Gusto ko, operating hours ay mula 9am til 9pm.
Gusto ko malapit lang sa bahay namin ang location.
Makakabuo kaya ako ng puhunan sa pasko? Habang onti pa lang ang inaanak ko na bibigyan sa Pasko.
Para naman magamit ko ang pinag-aralan ko sa college at its fullest.
Help me Lord/
leave me some comments[ misty reverie ]
My friend had his cards laid out to him this afternoon. Nag-aaya pa nga ng mga kasama, or itext na lang daw namin sa kanya yung mga gusto naming ipatanong. Sabi ko sa kanya noon pa man, ayoko sumama. At ayokong magpatanong ng kahit ano about me. Kasi wala lang, feeling ko hindi tama. At ayokong pangunahan ang aking fate. And should I get accurate responses, that would just be downright freaky.
And it was.
Pagdating pa lang ni Jer, ang bungad sa kanya ay "Your job has something to do with flying, right? But you don't actually fly." Kinilabutan ako ng bongga nung kinwento nya yan. The rest, kumabog nang husto ang puso ko kasi ang freaky lang. Dahil itong si tarotero, kapag may involved na tao sa hula niya, dinedescribe pa. Height, complexion, etc. As Jer put it, they were even like, finishing each other's sentences.
Ayoko ng ganun. Parang invasion of privacy. Pero of course, you willingly subject yourself to that. With consent naman ang pagpapahula eh. Kaya nga ayokong magbigay ng consent. Coz I want things to go my way, how I want them to be. Oo, nasa akin naman yun kung magpapaapekto ako sa hula. Pero isipin nyo, pag may alam ka nang ganyang impormasyon, it would still affect you diba? You'd see things differently. Although that could help to straighten up anything that might have been derailed. Pero ayoko lang pangunahan.
And what if, yung kaibigan mong nagpahula ay nagtanong ng something about you? Something that not even you would like to acknowledge or know about? Yon. Yun ang invasion of privacy. Pero I'm not saying that Jerome did. And even if he did, keri lang. Siya naman yun. (Wag lang niya ikekwento dapat to people other than me. haha.) Pero what if it were someone else? Yarog.
So there. Ang point ko lang, eh ayokong magpahula. Dahil ganito pala ka-freaky. Too much knowledge could kill. Especially if they're wrong.
How would we know, diba?
leave me some comments[ misty reverie ]